Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
