I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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