I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize