Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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