I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
