goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
