Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
