Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
