do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We are all done wearing pants today
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
