Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish my penis had a tongue
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
