sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
