hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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