I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
