Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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