I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
