i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
