I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
