It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
