Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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