When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
