You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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