So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
