I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
