Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize