This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
