Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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