apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
