Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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