I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
