The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
