evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
