Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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