Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to fling myself into the sun
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
