before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
