Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
