you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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