I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
