News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
