How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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