she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
