i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
