I bet he comes in French.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
