So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
