well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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