I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
