I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
