Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
