he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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