In the future we'll all be gay
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize