I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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