When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
