Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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