Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize