Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
