Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
