I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize