i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
