I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
