how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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