chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
