Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
