Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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