If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
