hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
