I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
