angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
