I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
