My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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