She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
