you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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