Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
