Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i dont even know how to be here
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
