If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
