I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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