ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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