I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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