The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
