If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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