you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
