Your dad touched me again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
