careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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