it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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