Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he had hair everywhere except his balls
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
