just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
