This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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