WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
