i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
