Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
