Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
