Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
