dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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