We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
