so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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