i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize