I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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