Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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