my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
