Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
