If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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