FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
