So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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