Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
