where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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