Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's like heaven, but drunker
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
