the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
