hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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