he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize