rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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