i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
