In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
