there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
