She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bring money and cleavage
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
