I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im holly from the hills drunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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