I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
