You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
