My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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