And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
