It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
