somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
