I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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