I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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