Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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