You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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