i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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