Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize