My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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